I underwent a profound healing journey, spanning nearly two decades of chronic pain. Initially, I believed it was a more recent development, with the intensity surging in my late twenties and peaking after the birth of my daughter, Thalia. Upon reflection, I've come to realize that the struggle began much earlier, although it was less frequent in the earlier years. I finally managed to release myself from this chronic pain, depression and anxiety at the beginning of this 2023.
My journey was laden with hopelessness; no doctor, chiropractor, or physical therapy seemed to offer any respite long term. A herniated disk, a tilted tailbone, possible nerve damage, a dislocated hip, and recurrent back problems. It reached a point where I was anticipating my fate, a life of unending agony. At the time, I even felt that I somehow deserved it, but that’s something I didn’t realize until this year. My depression started far earlier than the physical pain and often led to thoughts of suicide, and a few attempts. I was also unaware that I had been battling severe anxiety until this year.
Healing required substantial, consistent effort and energy, a bunch of determination and a process of transformation and transmutation. I had to reprogram myself, by deprogramming the old patterns and establishing new ones.
Reprogramming the subconscious mind proved pivotal, and I found that it takes about two weeks of dedicated effort to bring about meaningful change. Our subconscious dominates our actions until we learn to be more present and conscious. Balancing the two is an ongoing effort. The first two weeks of setting a new program or removing an old one is just basic ground work.
During this reprogramming process, it's crucial to be gentle with ourselves, as there will be moments when we falter or forget. Doing the best you can with the capabilities you have currently is key. Understanding when you are unable to preform the thought, task, action used to deprogram and reprogram. It’s a process and there will often be steps backwards that will later propel you forward.
My journey was also about connecting with the source creator within and learning to love myself above all else. Self-love remains a fundamental practice in this method. Taking time as often as you can remember to love and appreciate yourself. It can start simple, the more you love yourself the deeper you go. The idea is to find love for all of yourself regardless of perceived flaws. You are perfect exactly as you are in every moment and no matter what you deserve the absolute best. This can be hard to really believe, so starting somewhere easy to believe is best.
As an experiment, I had dedicating two weeks to writing about this process for this article. I then used chatgpt to help me revise it for better comprehension. I posted the raw materiel on my website as well, with this article. I did not write every day, but I aimed to do so whenever I have the energy to spare. Mom life and full time work is like two jobs and doesn’t leave a lot of time, energy or mental capacity for writing every day. My intention is to provide evidence of the 2 week transformation I describe. I've experienced this process repeatedly, and I understand that the journey from despair to empowerment requires climbing numerous rungs on the ladder.
Breaking old habits is challenging but entirely possible. The key is to strive for the next "right thing," a subjective concept that aligns with your personal growth and goals. You chart your path, even if you don't recognize it immediately. "How did I get here?" can often be answered with, "I brought myself here." So, where do you want to go? What do you want to achieve? What's the next "right" step you can take toward that vision, no matter how small? Trying is the first step in the right direction.
You have the power to change direction at any time. You are the creator of your own reality, and your beliefs shape that reality. What do you want to believe? Aim to break free from limitations and dream as big as possible. The sky is not the limit; you can go beyond it. What's the most audacious dream you can conceive?
This mindset enabled me to break free from the chains I'd wrapped around myself. The journey is about self-discovery, unraveling the strings you no longer need to find the core of who you are. From there, you can weave a new, intentional identity that aligns with your desires which creates authenticity.
Redesigning yourself is a profound task, filled with ups and downs. Having a goal in mind can make the process smoother, as it forces you to confront the darker aspects of yourself that are challenging to face. These include trauma responses, triggers, pain of all kinds, denial, and resistance. Healing involves acknowledging and accepting these shadows, with the hope of eventually releasing everything that no longer serves you. The end result is a new, radiant version of yourself. One who is no longer afraid, affected by their past, no more depression or anxiety, and hopefully no more pain.
I've come to believe that most (but not all) physical pain is rooted in mental, emotional, and spiritual causes. With dedication and effort, this pain can be released as if it were trapped energy. The deeper the pain, the more work it takes to release it. My journey to heal chronic pain involved facing the pain head-on, exploring the triggers and traumas that contributed to it, and allowing my body to release the bound pain energy.
During this process, I also received guidance from spiritual guides, who helped pushed my body to realign. I also tapped into my body’s intuition and let it guide me to the physical efforts I needed to realign my own spine. I remember the day it happened. I layed down and literally told my body to align and suddenly every vertebrae in order from bottom to top cracked back into alignment. This was a vital part of my healing journey. This was the proof I needed to keep going, helping me see my power and to become a part of it myself.
Confronting our fears is a powerful triumph; it liberates us from self-imposed constraints and changes our perspective and actions. I had to confront a lot of fears about my physical well being, and come to terms with how healthy and well I was able to become. Working towards that by releasing and facing fears was very helpful in my journey and a part that can’t be skipped. I spend many nights with chronic pain alone in the dark, with nothing but painful thoughts running on repeat. Confronting that was almost similar in action, but instead of feeling like an endless spiral down, I could see I was helping myself feel better and move up towards the light instead. Even if it was slow at times, the process is progress.
By intentionally changing our actions and reactions and reprogramming ourselves, we can move toward transformation. Habits become automatic after about two weeks of practice. Continuing for an additional two weeks solidifies these habits and integrates at a deeper, core level. Intention is essential in working through our shadows and elevating our vibrational frequency, aligning with our desires and goals. Without intention we are acting out of ego only, and it’s important to find a balance with your ego and not let it run the show. Ego is good, but I know a lot of spiritual teachings say otherwise. It’s a part of us and not trash. Every part of us, every thought and emotion we have is valid, balance is key. To release emotions we must feel them first, identify them, and love them, no matter how painful. They do eventually release and releasing does become easier.
I’ve gone over some key points and goals to work on and towards. Although life isn't solely about achieving goals, they can provide motivation and focus. Ultimately, finding inner peace and enjoying the journey should be the aim, even amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life. One way I encourage anyone to do is to meditate, daily if you can. Meditation plays a key role in this journey. My path to meditation began with a Vipassana meditation course. While Vipassana might not be for everyone, it helped me progress to where I am today, learn how to sit still, and quiet my mind. I wasn’t able to do that before and would often get frustrated with meditation or being told to meditate because I felt like I just wasn’t able to. If you want any tips on learning to meditate I would be happy to share what worked for me.
I've always wanted to share my experiences and knowledge, with the hope that it may assist others on their journeys.
Now, as I have finished my two-week writing experiment, I sense that I'll extend this exploration beyond the initial timeframe. I may delve more deeply into these topics. I'm eager to see how my writing journey unfolds. Writing was a childhood dream of mine, but I abandoned it due to certain circumstances and trauma. I've now realized that it's time to rekindle this authentic passion, not driven by external factors. I’m excited to see where my new/old passion leads me.
I have many passions and as you may know, I like to draw and paint. I won’t stop my art while I work on my writing. While I will always cherish drawing, I don’t think I’ll ever stop, however, I’ve learned through these processes that drawing became a trama response for me and that’s why it’s stuck so intensely to me. I love it dearly and enjoy it even after I made that realization in my healing journey. I definitely took a long break from it to decide if that’s what I truly wanted to do. I found a lot of different parts of me that were so prominent and deeply rooted aspects of my personality that were formed as trauma responses. You may also find the same for yourself. I encourage you to take serious looks at these parts of yourself, take time away from them. It’s perfectly okay if you find you like those parts of yourself now and want to continue. The key there is to continue from a space of intention, love and authenticity and not from fear or anxiety.
I’ve found lots of passions I have in my journey that I didn’t know I had, or are new. I’m multi passionate and multitalented. My goal is to engage in a wide array of creative endeavors. Abundance will support me in making a positive impact on the world through my passions because I'm genuinely passionate about improving the world. One of those passions is writing this part of my journey so that others may benefit on their own journey.
Thank you for being here and being a part of this journey with me. We need you on this planet. You deserve to be free of all that weighs you down. You can do this, I believe in you. I didn’t think I could come out on the other side of my despair, so I know I am a great example that it’s possible. Please keep going, I love you
Comments